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What comes first, the chicken or the baby?
If we love someone and enjoy spending time with that person and do not have any desire to be with anyone else, why are we so scared to move forward. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this and wondering, WHY are we so afraid?
Last night I spent several hours on the phone with two girlfriends.
The first one we will call Ann. Ann lives many many miles away from me. She is someone I have known all my life and someone whom I share pretty much everything with. She has been in a relationship with someone for almost two years and has lived with this person for awhile until recently. They went their separate ways due to career changes on both of their parts. They are still a “couple” but do not live together anymore. We got into some pretty deep conversation last night and started talking about marriage, relationships, etc. It is her belief that two people should not cohabitate without being engaged. Not because she thinks it is a sin because she thinks Who is gonna buy the cow if you get the milk for free kind of thing. I on the other hand am terrified to make that sort of commitment without testing the waters. How do two people know if they can live together forever if they haven’t tried first?
My next friend that I talked to, we will call her Alex. Alex is six months pregnant and is in a relationship with the father with no future plans on marriage. Her outlook is “If it works, it works, if it doesn’t it doesn’t”. A lot of women in her position would be terrified that they were going to end up raising their child alone and without a significant other to help. Not Alex. She is very independent and knows that she will do just fine on her own. She is not willing to settle for someone who gives her less than butterflies just because he knocked her up.
So why is it that we have changed our moral standards so much over the years? When my grandparents were “courting” there was never talk of living together or having babies before marriage. Now we do things in whatever order we want? So are we lowering our standards? Are we decreasing the value of family? Do we give up on each other too easily? OR do we just value our own happiness more than we used to? Are we just more open minded to the order in which life can happen?
We all have a different way of living our lives. As long as you are making decisions that make you happy and are not hurting others around you then I say live the way you want to live, marry when you want to marry, have babies when you are damn ready and if you don’t like babies, don’t have any. Nobody said that just because we are adults we have to reproduce. Baby yourself if you can. Be you and march to the beat of your own drum.
Deal Breakers
We all have Deal breakers. The things that we will not tolerate from the opposite sex. Some of us have very particular things that we can’t get over and some of us have very common deal breakers like, Bad breath/teeth, bad manners, rudeness, etc. I decided to survey a group of women to find out what their deal breakers are.
Here are the top 10 + 1 for shits and giggles…
Staring: Have you ever been on a first date with someone who had that creepy stare. Imagine sitting at dinner trying to enjoy your meal while some weirdo stares at you from across the table. You wanna yell, “Take a picture fucker I’m trying to eat my sushi!”
Mama’s Boys: If your mama still cuts your meat when you go home for dinner that’s a problem. I have met several “monster-in-law” types and a few lovable mama’s…very few lovable mama’s.
Boys that don’t like “boy stuff“: you don’t like football…lemme show you to the door…”Bon Voyage, I’ll call you for tea.”
The Primper: You take longer to get ready than me…Bye Bye Buddie, tea’s at high noon.
Dirty Underwear: EWE!!! Wipe your booty.
Insecurity/Jealously: Some people have reason to be insecure and jealous, if you are one of those people you are in a relationship with the wrong person.
Big Egos: check it at the door, humbleness goes a long way. There are women out ther that disagree I am sure, plenty of women like a man with a big ego, I think it is a huge turn off. I am not at all saying you should have low self esteem, just keep the “I am such a good catch” comments to a minimum.
Liars: Tell the truth, it will set you free.
Going shirtless: This one comes from a very close friend of mine, this is one of her HUGE deal breakers, I on the other hand have no problem with it. 
Passing gas…I get that there will be times that everyone has a “slip up” and lets one go on accident or while sleeping, however this should be the absolute only time this happens. NEVER EVER because you just don’t care any more and you are that comfortable around your significant other.
Jack rabbit Sex: Ummmm…we are not construction sites…chill.
Singles vs. Couples
Just like the age old question, “What came first the chicken or the egg?” I often wonder which is better, being in a relationship or being single.
A single friend of mine several weeks ago at a party turned to me and two of my married friends after several cocktails and said “ I am so jealous of all of you, you all have someone to go home too.” My friends and I looked at each other in amazement. We never would have thought, our friend the party girl who has all the freedom in the world is jealous of us? (All 3 of us have children) We all simultaneously said, “No we are jealous of you!! You can do whatever you want, whenever you want!!”
So here lies the question…Who has it better…Singles or Couples??
I have been at all four corners. (That sounds funny, I know) Single and loving it, Single and lonely, in a relationship and miserable and in a relationship and very much happy.
To better help me make up my mind on which side has it better I have made a list of benefits for both sides. I will start with singles.
Singles:
• Flirting- who doesn’t love to flirt!!
• $$$- what’s yours is yours.
• ZZZ’s- there is no one disturbing your precious beauty sleep.
• No pressure to be neat…You can be a slob all you want. (that seems scary but true)
• Dating- granted after awhile to some it may become exhausting, but what better way to network.
• You are your own boss…no explaining necessary.
• More buddy time, as long as your friends are single too, there is much more time to party with them.
• HOLIDAYS (this is probably the biggest one for me) Singles only have to go to one set of family functions. Couples have to go to two!! WTF??
So you see there are several benefits to being without love in your life. Key phrase: Love thy self!!
Couples:
• Well first of all there is the obvious; we all want someone to grow old with. No body wants to be wrinkly all by themselves.
• Sex- always available (and refer to first benefit- someone will still have to do you, wrinkles and all)
• Weddings and date functions- always have a plus one.
• Taxes- Married people get a better tax break…and your car insurance will be cheaper.
• And the last but not least, actually probably should have put this first…LOVE…being in love with someone that loves you back is the absolute best feeling in the world.
So the there it is. If we can’t have both how do we make the two paths coexist in our lives? Can we have the best of both worlds? Can we have all the lovey mushy stuff and still have the freedom to come and go as we please, spend what we want when we want? In a perfect world I would say yes. In reality I say LMAO. NO.
’Cause I’m young and single, and I loves to mingle. -FAME 1980