Status Updates + TMI=Who gives a hoot!!
Ok. I admit it. I have a myspace…don’t most people?? Well I remember when the whole mood/status thing first started, I thought to myself, “How dumb. Who cares what people are doing and feeling!!” But of course I started updating my status and mood like everyone else. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not treating it like it’s Twitter or anything. I am not updating it everytime I go to the bathroom, gym, to see a movie or going to bed. However I do post things that I am excited about and looking forward too, like “I can’t wait til Jazz Fest” or “Had a great weekend” Point is, I feel there are some things that should be left to ourselves. We do not need to advertise when we are mad at our boyfriends, had a fight with our best friends or threw up because we drank too much.
SO…my idea is to give you real life examples or status updates (from my friends) that are stupid, weird, funny, and contain TMI!!
- I feel like a complete bowl of doo doo. going to the gym then work tonight.
- I HAVE PNEMONIA..SAY A PRAYER FOR MY MOM.SHE HAS A BLOOD CLOT IN HER ARTERY IN HER LEG..MY BROTHER IN LAW HAVEIN BACK SURGERY TODAY
- K-STONES MOVING AROUND, AND FORGET ABOUT TRYING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. MAYBE TO MUCH INFO.LOL.
- Wow. one word sums it all up…cunt.
- about to shit, shower, and shave.
- going to pick up the midgets at the airport, then feed them boiled crawfish bc they like eating things their size. holla.
- prob put herself back at square one in his eyes by having a voice last night…
- wonders y some ppl jus cant be honest!!!! o’well f*^k U!!!!!
- BEEN VERY SORE & TIRED..TODAY SEEMS TO BE A BETTER DAY..LOOKIN FORWARD TO SOME GET WELL CARDS IN THE MAIL..IF U NEED MY ADDRESS ASK ME..
These are just a handful of the status updates that I have seen over the last few weeks.
Seriously…Some things should be kept to yourself. 
Holy Rolling to Nutsville
Picture this…Nine a.m, just getting to work, haven’t had your first cup of coffee and your boss walks in your office and says “We have a situation.” AWESOME!! I pick up my coffee and drink it as fast as I can as I walk into her office thinking “Seriously WTF??”
So this is the deal…There is a crazy Jesus person in my waiting area handing out Obama bashing fliers stating that he is a “baby killer”where other guests are sitting trying to enjoy there morning coffee or tea in peace. She is also handing out rosaries and speaking to the guests about abortion laws, stem cell research and other ridiculously inappropriate topics. The Director of the Institution I work for had already quietly asked her to stop at which point she very loudly yelled “Freedom of Speech”. So now we are bringing her in the office to not so quietly ask this crazy person to leave the building. At this point all I keep thinking is she is some sort of extremist who at any moment is going to pull out a bomb or gun or some holy water to kill us with. But she didn’t. She did continue to go on and on about how our company supports baby killing and how we have porn in our atrium. “Porn” as in a fashion magazine, that she had folded up under her arm and threw on the Directors desk. At this point I was finding it hard not to laugh. The crazy Jesus lady must have seen me smirk because she looked at me and held up the rosary and said “Do you know where this is from?…Majoria.” I said “What is that?” she said “Where you can see Mary!!!” I said “Who is Mary??” ha-ha. I am asshole I know but I couldn’t help myself. At this point the lady becomes irate and wants desperately to show me something she has in her purse. So she starts dumping it out all over the desk talking about how our company is supposed to be “Green” but we support baby killing. She went on and on for another minute or so but finally we get this crazy person to leave.
Why is it that people think they can just waltz into anywhere and push their beliefs on anyone? Do they really think this is okay? What if I went into this ladies place of business and started to hand out anti-religion fliers. By the way the fliers she was handing out also had her logo for her stain glass business and her name and phone number. Therefor she was soliciting. Trying to make a buck off her ridiculous beliefs. Doesn’t she know that we don’t mix Religion and Politics…Period.
Seriously watch out for these people, the holier than thou people, they are the ones than blow up buildings and kill in the name of whoever they believe “told them to do it” Come on now, get a fucking grip.
It’s a New Year…What’s your resolution?
With the New Year right around the corner, we are all contemplating what we are gonna change about our life. Some of the resolutions that I hear a lot are:
- Better Diet- no more junk, soft drinks, etc. Eat more veggies and protein.
- Go to the gym- whether it is a time thing or an energy thing, we all can benefit from getting a daily workout.
- Stop Smoking- There is never an easy time to stop smoking, especially after you spend half of your savings on presents.
- Save Money- Of course this is when you need to start saving money…see previous resolution.
- Being less stressed- Everyone knows it is much healthier to try to let things roll off your back, don’t sweat the small stuff and don’t stress over things that we can’t change.
- Stop drinking- This one I don’t understand, so we’ll move on.
- Working on your relationships- whether it is with your significant other, your child(ren), Parents or friends, everyone has a relationship that they need to work on.
- Work effort- we could all benefit by putting a little extra effort into work. (I am sure there are a few people that could benefit by concentrating less on work and more on family or themselves)
- Cook more, eat out less- Not only does this save you money, it also lets you control what you eat, your calorie/fat intake and I am sure lessens the likeliness of eating things like other peoples hair, bugs, hair bugs and so on. Eweeee moving on!
- Being more organized- Not only am I the Queen of the Dirt, I am also the Queen of Procrastination. I know all about not dealing with stressful situations and hoping they go away. Problem is…they don’t.
So whatever your resolution is this year and whether or not you stick to it for a day, a week, a month or all year, remember to keep smiling and don’t give up because you can always just wait til next year, after all that starts a new decade.
Bah Hum-bug
So this is supposed to be the happiest time of the year. A time where families come together, where peace and love and harmony are abundant. Christmas is supposed to make everyone happy. So why does this time of year make me so aggravated? MANY reasons. Here are a few:
- Shopping: Now don’t get me wrong, I am a woman. I love to shop most of the time. Not during Christmas when people are crazy and stampede all over each other to try to get the last wii. This is insanity not love and happiness.
- Gift giving: There are many people I love and enjoy making happy. Why do we have to have one day in the year to prove how much we love each other by the amount of money we spend on them.
- Christmas Carols: I hate it.
- Decorating: You put it up then have to take it down a month later, waste of money. I would rather spend my money on home decor that I want to leave up in my house for a long period of time.
- Weather: I hate cold weather, maybe if Christmas was in the summer I would like it a little bit more.
- Work: I work in a place that gets super busy during Christmas. The people that come in are stressed and in a hurry and make my 9-5 a little more difficult.
- Long Lost relatives: They are lost for a reason. So why are we pressured to communicate and see them during holidays.
With all this being said, I will still continue to buy as many presents I can afford and visit family and friends during Christmas time. I just wish that this holiday was a little less commercialized and a little bit more sincere.
What comes first, the chicken or the baby?
If we love someone and enjoy spending time with that person and do not have any desire to be with anyone else, why are we so scared to move forward. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this and wondering, WHY are we so afraid?
Last night I spent several hours on the phone with two girlfriends.
The first one we will call Ann. Ann lives many many miles away from me. She is someone I have known all my life and someone whom I share pretty much everything with. She has been in a relationship with someone for almost two years and has lived with this person for awhile until recently. They went their separate ways due to career changes on both of their parts. They are still a “couple” but do not live together anymore. We got into some pretty deep conversation last night and started talking about marriage, relationships, etc. It is her belief that two people should not cohabitate without being engaged. Not because she thinks it is a sin because she thinks Who is gonna buy the cow if you get the milk for free kind of thing. I on the other hand am terrified to make that sort of commitment without testing the waters. How do two people know if they can live together forever if they haven’t tried first?
My next friend that I talked to, we will call her Alex. Alex is six months pregnant and is in a relationship with the father with no future plans on marriage. Her outlook is “If it works, it works, if it doesn’t it doesn’t”. A lot of women in her position would be terrified that they were going to end up raising their child alone and without a significant other to help. Not Alex. She is very independent and knows that she will do just fine on her own. She is not willing to settle for someone who gives her less than butterflies just because he knocked her up.
So why is it that we have changed our moral standards so much over the years? When my grandparents were “courting” there was never talk of living together or having babies before marriage. Now we do things in whatever order we want? So are we lowering our standards? Are we decreasing the value of family? Do we give up on each other too easily? OR do we just value our own happiness more than we used to? Are we just more open minded to the order in which life can happen?
We all have a different way of living our lives. As long as you are making decisions that make you happy and are not hurting others around you then I say live the way you want to live, marry when you want to marry, have babies when you are damn ready and if you don’t like babies, don’t have any. Nobody said that just because we are adults we have to reproduce. Baby yourself if you can. Be you and march to the beat of your own drum.
Deal Breakers
We all have Deal breakers. The things that we will not tolerate from the opposite sex. Some of us have very particular things that we can’t get over and some of us have very common deal breakers like, Bad breath/teeth, bad manners, rudeness, etc. I decided to survey a group of women to find out what their deal breakers are.
Here are the top 10 + 1 for shits and giggles…
Staring: Have you ever been on a first date with someone who had that creepy stare. Imagine sitting at dinner trying to enjoy your meal while some weirdo stares at you from across the table. You wanna yell, “Take a picture fucker I’m trying to eat my sushi!”
Mama’s Boys: If your mama still cuts your meat when you go home for dinner that’s a problem. I have met several “monster-in-law” types and a few lovable mama’s…very few lovable mama’s.
Boys that don’t like “boy stuff“: you don’t like football…lemme show you to the door…”Bon Voyage, I’ll call you for tea.”
The Primper: You take longer to get ready than me…Bye Bye Buddie, tea’s at high noon.
Dirty Underwear: EWE!!! Wipe your booty.
Insecurity/Jealously: Some people have reason to be insecure and jealous, if you are one of those people you are in a relationship with the wrong person.
Big Egos: check it at the door, humbleness goes a long way. There are women out ther that disagree I am sure, plenty of women like a man with a big ego, I think it is a huge turn off. I am not at all saying you should have low self esteem, just keep the “I am such a good catch” comments to a minimum.
Liars: Tell the truth, it will set you free.
Going shirtless: This one comes from a very close friend of mine, this is one of her HUGE deal breakers, I on the other hand have no problem with it.
Passing gas…I get that there will be times that everyone has a “slip up” and lets one go on accident or while sleeping, however this should be the absolute only time this happens. NEVER EVER because you just don’t care any more and you are that comfortable around your significant other.
Jack rabbit Sex: Ummmm…we are not construction sites…chill.
Heart vs. Head
Why is it that we are so afraid of the unknown? We live in this repetitive cycle of work, home, play, etc. Same thing everyday. There are things that we have on our “One day I will…” list…but when is one day? What are we waiting on? I know that I am the worst at putting off things that I really want to do. I am infamous for saying things like: “I’m worried that…”, “I can’t until…”, “Someday I will…”, “What if…”, “Oh screw it…I’ll have another Stoli Martini…”
I have a great friend we will call her Sarah. Sarah has never been afraid of following her dreams. She has moved across country at the drop of a hat many times. She doesn’t make a Pro/Con list for anything, she just follows her heart. She is the ultimate right brained person. She enjoys life and never puts her “wants” on the back burner.
I have another friend we will call her Marie. Marie is the opposite. She follows her head. Marie sees the realistic side of everything. She is the friend I go to when I need a good dose of reality. She always seems to have her life in order and rarely if ever seems to be a frantic mess. She is definitely a left brainer.
So the question is… Can we be both? Can we find a middle ground that allows us to do all the things we desire but also keep an organized, secure comfortable life and all the while enjoy every day to the fullest.
I know one thing for certain. It is imperative for us to at some point in life be able to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
We have to remember that we are living now…there may be no tomorrow. As depressing as that may be, it is the truth. We are human beings not human will be’s.
Summer Fun
Summer isn’t over yet but the end is near. Here are some of the things everyone should do if you haven’t already and if you have do them one more time before the warm sunny days leave us.
1. Have a BBQ. Get some friends together and a keg or ice chess full of beers and grill up some meat!!
2. Get in the water. If you live by a river, go tubing. Ocean, try surfing. Lake, take out the boat. Even if you can get to a pond, swim in it. If you can’t find a natural water source, go to the damn pool.
3. Go for a hike. Nothing is more romantic than getting on a trail with that special someone and getting sweaty. Maybe even get lost for a bit. 
4. Go on a road trip. Whether you have a group of friends or a significant other, road trips can be lots of fun. Stop along the way in towns you have never been to. Learn about different cultures.
5. Get a tan. Having a little color makes everyone feel sexier.
6. Sit outside at your favorite restaurant and drink margaritas.
7. Catch an end of Summer sale. Stock up for next summer while the prices are right.
8. Have a picnic. Pack a yummy summer salad or some sandwiches and lay under a big oak tree. If you do this alone, bring something interesting to read.
9. Go to a festival. Yummy food and Draft beer, need I say more?
10. Make love outside. I saved the best for last.
Soulmates - Fact or Fiction
When I was a young girl my mama told me that one day I would grow up, fall in love, marry a man, maybe have a baby and grow old with a beautiful family. We would do things like me and my parents did. We would go to the zoo and Mardi Gras parades. We would have dinners and picnics, go on vacation, school functions and I would be happy because I had found my soul mate.
So what happens if you go through all of the steps but you aren’t happy?? What if you aren’t happy because you are not in love and you feel as though the real person, your “soul mate” is still out there waiting for you.
So you get out, start fresh, find someone that makes you happy.
But…do we all have someone out there that is meant for us…one person that we are destined to be with forever? Seems hard to believe but exciting to look forward to.
That brings me to my next pondering thought…does fate exsist or are we just all aimlessly wondering around this world hoping that one day we come across someone that we will enjoy or even tolerate. If you can tolorate someone does that mean that we should put all of our ever so many eggs in his basket?? Seems scary.
And riddle me this…what if you find someone that you are so head over heels for that you can not imagine life without them? and what if that person they you love so intensly seems to love you back. The chemistry is there, you have fun together, and you feel as if you could spend the rest of your life with this person.But somewhere down the road things start to turn bad. Little by little the fights happen more and more often and you begin to do things and say things that you would have never thought you would do or say to this person.
So you end the relationship.
So where is this soulmate??? Is it all a figment of the imagination? Should the word just be taken out of our vocabulary? Should we just settle for what we get or keep looking until we find someone amazing?
Break-ups
According to love expert Charlotte York (SATC) it takes someone exactly half of the time you spend in a relationship getting over it. I don’t know about most people but if I am ending a 15 month relationship I surely don’t have 7.5 months to spend mourning it. So how can we speed up the process?
First of all we need closure. We need to really dig deep, even if it isn’t pretty and makes us feel like doodie, and we need to figure out what went wrong. We have to learn from our mistakes so the next time we don’t make them again. Even if you think it was all the other persons fault and you were oh so perfect…you are wrong. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. So figure out what went wrong and how you will change so it doesn’t happen again. Don’t get me wrong there is no need to call the other person to let them know of your epiphany…they probably won’t care and it is probably to late.
Stay busy, don’t spend a lot of time at home alone dwelling in your pain. Make more time with your friends and family. Start working out more. Go running, get a work out tape, find a friend that has a pool and swim, lay out, and enjoy being outside in the sun.
Take a vacation. Get some friends together and head to the beach or the mountains. If you can’t get a group together go solo. Time to reflect on the past and figure out a game plan for the future is always healthy.
Redecorate your space. Get a new rug or even a new wardrobe that you think is absolutely fabulous. Spend a little more than you normally spend on something. You are worth it!!
Get a new look. Get that haircut that you have been wanting but never got because your bf/gf didn’t want you to change it.
a few don’ts…
~Don’t try to rekindle any past relationships even just for a night. Those ended for a reason just like this breakup did.
~Don’t call or im or text your ex while in a drunken stupor. You are never as brilliant as you think you are in those moments.
~Don’t ruin any of his/her things in a moment of anger.
~Don’t blame yourself, even if ultimately you are more at fault than the other person, it is to late now. No point in being so hard on yourself.
~Don’t buy that gallon of ice cream, it will only make you feel good for a moment but the 20 pounds you pack on eating yourself into a size 20 will not.
and remember…this too shall pass. It is going to be hard but you will survive.
